Before motherhood I didn’t take much notice of self help books. I may have wanted to Make Friends and Influence People, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. I may even have wanted to learn how to mix with Martians, it’s just that I couldn’t be bothered to read about it first.

But all that changed on 23 January 2009. Actually maybe it changed a bit before that, could have been May 2008 when I found out I was pregnant; but anyway the point is, when the mummy hormones kicked in, so it appears did doubt and lots of it.

The feelings of doubt started as soon as I found out I was pregnant, all those weird changes that happened tomybody, the ones that make you feel like a freak (even if they were in the Miriam Stoppard pregnancy book I borrowed from the libary and then renewed again and again for nearly 8 months ).

It continues as the months go on,  the constant fear that you aren’t doing things quite right, that niggling feeling you get when your stomach starts to ache or you have a strange cluster headache – as opposed to the vice-like stress ones you normally get after a particularly stressful day at work.

Luckily I didn’t have any health issues while pregnant – dread to think what would have happened if I had, but my guess is I’d have got over it. In the end I used sites like Mumsnet for reassurance after baby decided to stay put past her due date.  ( There are going to be mummy friends of mine who read this and shake their heads but I did -and for a couple of weeks it helped – okay).

During my pregnancy I was sent loads and loads of baby help books, and I even bought one. It says a lot that the one I bought was Skinny Bitch Bun in the Oven (I didn’t read it by the way) and the other books all gathered dust until Imogen was born.

I have a 2(i) degrees, and came top in a couple of my 3rd year university classes. I’m  a well-published journalist and author. Friends tell me I’m funny (i.e I’m not cool) and one friend even said ‘I was the smartest non-smart woman’ she knew (she’s referring to my clumsiness, I think).

So why did all my self confidence crumble when I had Imogen. Every decision I made about her care was fraught with guilt or a feeling that what I was doing was the Wrong Thing. Desperate to know I sought solace in Gina Ford, let the Baby Whisperer get inside my head or let The First Year: What to Expect become my must-have reading.

There’s information to be had in these books, but they can’t tell you how to be a mother. You have to learn, like everything else. Like being pregnant – and I should have realised this – there is no-one/nothing but your own experience and that is your own best guide. Your feelings your intuition are your best tools when it comes to crafting that most important role.

It’s taken me three years to realise this. Reading coverage of the latest ‘you must bring your child up this way book’ French Children Don’t Throw Food by Pamela Druckerman I had a ‘moment’

I asked myself  why should a French woman know any more than I or my friends do about bringing up children. And who is to say that well behaved children = well behaved adults.

Throwing food around may be an essential part of development. Now I’m not saying we should let our children run riot, and nor should we spoil them, but we should trust our own instincts and not buy any more of these books – because they don’t really help. They just give you a whole load more information to process and excrete.

Of course this book could be a lot better than some of the other ones out there. But for me, I’ll be sticking to the tried and tested for now.

And celebrities – you know what I think about your baby books. And no, you don’t have to write one, even if your agent tells you it’s what celebrity mums do these days.