I am only partially joking. After the runaway success of the 'Live on a Chicken for a week' blog we now have a methane special! Baked beans are cheap - in Waitrose (not the cheapest supermarket) a pack of 4x420g tins is £1.31, so that's 33p a can. If you have a reasonably big appetite, one tin will be the basis of your evening meal for 7 days. Make sure the bedroom is well ventilated, even if you do sleep alone, and don’t eat anything else that vaguely gives you wind for the other 2 meals each day. Beans contain some protein so you don't always need to add another protein such as chicken or sausages, although we will be doing so, mostly.

Easy as pie, not really a recipe so much as bunging a few things in a bowl. Cut up some cold roast meat (perhaps from Sunday lunch?). Lamb is nice, especially if you’ve done it with garlic and rosemary. Then add 420g baked beans and a splash of balsamic, and a few chopped fresh herbs ie parsley. Any cold roast veg from lunch can be added here too, if you are really hungry, or a tin of sweetcorn (drained), or similar. I eat this cold, but heat it through in the microwave if you think that’s gross.

Gently heat through the beans in a saucepan with the other ingredients (or microwave on high for 2mins). Serve in a bowl or on buttered toast. Very easy for after work, in a rush.

1 clove garlic, crushed or chopped (optional)

1 tsp mixed dried herbs (or 1 tbsp fresh ie parsley)

Method:

Fry the sausages in the butter or olive oil (or half and half) in a saucepan gently for 10-15 minutes. Add the onion + garlic - if using – and green pepper. Fry gently another 5 minutes till the veg is softened. Snip the sausages into chunks with scissors over the pan. Then add the beans, seasoning and herbs, and heat through. Another telly supper to be eaten from a bowl with a fork. Or have it on toast if you are ravenous.

Wednesday: Peanut/cheese/bean extravaganza

420g baked beans

1 handful roasted salted peanuts

1-2 tbsp grated cheese

I learnt to do this when I was 13, so it is easy. Heat through the beans and peanuts in a saucepan (or microwave) then transfer to an ovenproof dish and sprinkle over the cheese. Grill until bubbling and eat with crusty bread or toast, or on its own. Tip: buy mature cheddar as you need less to get the flavour – so it’s cheaper. And you need salted roasted nuts here to get the salty savouriness. Natural peanuts are bland here.

Thursday: Bacon ‘n’ Beans

3-4 rashers bacon

1 onion, chopped (optional)

½ pepper/celery stick (optional)

420g baked beans

1 tsp Worcestershire sauce

Bacon and beans go so well together. Snip up some bacon, smoked or unsmoked depending on what you like, and fry in its own fat in a saucepan (or add a little butter for extra richness - my mother always adds a knob of butter to baked beans and she says it makes them creamier). Fry an onion/celery stick at the same time if you fancy it, and for your 5-a-day. Add the beans and Worcestershire sauce and heat through. Eat.

Friday: Tuna Veg Beanpot

1 tbsp olive oil or 25g butter

420g baked beans

85g or 100g tin tuna in brine, drained

2 sticks celery, chopped

1 tsp mixed dried herbs

Tip: a word about the 85g tins of tuna. I find they are enough for one person but if you have a big appetite go for the 200g tins. I like them in brine or spring water but get the tuna in oil if you prefer it. Soften the celery in oil or butter in a saucepan, gently 5-10mins. Add all the other ingredients. And heat through. Serve (fish on Friday, see?).

Saturday: Shepherd’s Pie (with Beans) – serves 6

Peel and chunk the potatoes and cover with cold water in a saucepan. Add 1 tsp salt and bring to the boil. Simmer 10 minutes (depending on the size of your chunks, as it were) until done. Meanwhile fry the mince in the oil in a medium saucepan 5 minutes until browned all over. Add the onion and garlic, and carrot/pepper, and continue frying 5 minutes more. Add the crumbled stock cube, seasoning and mixed herbs, and the beans. Stir and allow to heat through for 5 minutes. Drain the potatoes and mash with butter and grated nutmeg if you have it. Tip the meat mixture into an ovenproof dish and cover with the potato, spreading it over to cover. Do a nice “ploughed field” effect with a fork (remember Home Economics lessons in school?!) Bake 180 degrees Celsius 15 minutes (as it is already cooked really). Serve with salad, green veg or on its own. This makes plenty for microwaving over the next few days, if you don’t wolf it all in one go.

You made it. Don’t even think about having beans for another week.